Stupid Creatures

How do I place an order?

Click on the little mini-order form to the right and download the real order form. (It's a 600 KB file, so you might want to get some coffee if you're accessing from a dialup account.) Fill it out and mail it in with the rest of your order. If you can't get the order form to download, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to STUPID CREATURES ORDER FORM, 148 BREVARD ROAD, #3, ASHEVILLE NC 28806. If you're a repeat customer, download a new order form in case procedural changes have been made since your last order.

Who will be filling my order?

For the time being, I will be filling all custom orders myself. I'm training an assistant now, the very talented Ian Dennis, who will be helping me fill the custom orders faster. Ian has turned out some fantastic creatures in his training time and his talent will please and surprise all of you. Ian's ready-made creatures, the ones that cut the mustard, will be available for purchase on this site very soon. It took me 3 years to find the right helper. Trust me, none of you will be sorry he's working with me.

Are the Stupid Creature patterns for sale?

I'm ever so glad you asked. You can find a collection of 8 patterns and instructions in my newly available book, Stupid Sock Creatures. I reveal enough dirty little secrets therein to make Lolita's stepdaddy as paranoid as a penguin at a global warming conference. Get yourself a copy right away!

Do you have a backstock of stupid creatures? Can you sell wholesale?

There isn't a backstock of creatures, per-se, but there are ready-made ones that you can buy right off the site. If they run out, don't worry, Ian and I are always making more.

As for wholesale, I've got one wholesale client to date. Diggin' Art in West Asheville pays me a decent rate per creature, knows its clientele and knows the creatures will move. Thus far the creatures have. If you're the kind of retailer who knows the value of time-consuming hand craft and believes my creatures will sell, at art-object prices, in your shop, feel free to contact me. We can chat.

Pricing

Each time you order one of Murphy's Original Stupid Creatures, you're commissioning a piece of custom design.

The price for this custom service is $65 per creature, or $85 for a "Rush Job," before tax and shipping.

This price covers the design and crafting of an original, unique, handmade creature made-to-order out of my material (meaning primarily socks and some other fabrics that work case by case) or the customer's material. This price also covers the stuffing, thread, buttons, other consumable sewing supplies, and the recycled polyester fill that goes inside each one. Ready-made creatures, available for purchase right off the site, will vary in price.

So, what constitutes a rush job?

A rush job is any order required within 2 weeks or by a specific date. The stupid creature services are ALWAYS first come first served, unless the customer has PAID EXTRA to jump in line ahead of all the other customers to have his or her order filled quickly or in time (including at least a week domestic and in some cases a month international for shipping) for a dated event, birthday or holiday (and yes this DOES MEAN CHRISTMAS). The fee to add rush status to your job is $20.00 US. If you think your dated event is far enough away to avoid this fee, write me or phone me and ask. If I think I can do it for you, I'll waive the rush fee. But I still cannot make any guarantees (unless you pay extra) any more than I can predict the future.

How long does it take to fill an order?

Ian and I are working on filling custom orders within 3 weeks. We're catching up quickly to the end of our custom order queue. Normally, a custom creature takes about 6 to 10 hours to make. Under most circumstances about 2 can be done in a day. Right now I've got steady production booked through the second week in May. Customers have experienced long waits because of the popularity of this service, and because I wrote a book with Lark Books last year. In addition, the administrative side of signle handedly running a business can often soak up entire days. Ordering is always first come first served. A tentative production schedule will be posted soon, and in the meantime I'll do my best to give estimated completion dates.

Is there a minimum order?

Yes. One creature.

What forms of payment can you take?

Cash if you're local and picking up the creature yourself, personal or cashiers' checks, money orders or PayPal. Any info you need to elaborate on this point can be found on the order form.

What about international orders?

PayPal can handle many international currencies, like euros, yen, British pounds, and Canadian dollars. So if you're from overseas and can pay on line with a credit card, go for it. If you opt to pay a deposit, request a PayPal bill or send it in US funds (PayPal is easier). I will not accept any overseas money wiring. It's too shady.

Are discounts available at all?

Yes. Customers are given discount coupons when they receive their finished orders. These "stu-pons" are applicable to future orders. Stu-Pons usually give a discount of 10%, pre-tax and shipping, but I've been known to vary that amount case by case. They're transferrable, so you might not even have to be a repeat customer to redeem a stu-pon. Other limited-time discount opportunities will be available from time to time. Also, shipping is waived for orders of 10 or more creatures.

How many socks should I send?

As many as you like, but two per creature will do just fine.

What kind of socks should I send?

CLEAN ONES. I can work around most holes, but if the socks are really ratty and threadbare, forget it. Natural fibers like cotton are always best. Synthetics tend to be thinner and stretchier, which is okay but sometimes you can see the stuffing through the weave. Panty hose and tights (no matter how apparently opaque) are completely wrong for the task. Ultimately, if I can't work with what you send, I'll let you know. TIP: The thinner and stretchier the sock is, the bigger the creature will likely be.

Do people ever send you dirty socks?

Hasn't happened yet, but I've received plenty of washed socks with perma- footstains that no detergent can purge. So far no nasty, clammy, fetid, stinky, dank, just- been-run-a-mile-in socks have been sent. Don't YOU be the first or I'll mail you a few calls of nature from the local doggie park.

What if I don't have any cool socks to send, or just don't want to send any?

The best creatures have been made from the plainest socks: Albertine, Duncan, Genevieve. Chances are your socks are perfect for the task. But if you don't want to contribute socks for your creature, there are plenty here at the studio from previous contributions or extras left over from other orders. I'll surprise you.

Can I just give you a bunch of socks without placing an order?

By all means. Let me be your sock dumping ground. No funk, stank or foot diseases, please.

Do you ever work with other materials besides socks?

Yes. I've made stupid creatures out of a terry cloth toaster cozy, a tea towel, and old boxer shorts. We're always on the lookout for materials such as fabric remnants, buttons and neckties. We'll gladly take things like that off your hands.

Is there a catalog of creatures so I can pick one that I want? Can I say "I want 2 Duncans?"

We can make you something "like" Duncan, or whichever creature, but each one is unique and we can't guarantee an exact match. We can make you something from the same family, like Red Wetty, Ed Wetty and Fred Wetty (Jed and Ted have been added to the gallery, and Ned is now available for sale!).

What kind of body-type suggestions can you take for the monsters I order?

I can take such physical, tangible, quantifiable suggestions as "multiple arms, multiple legs, horns, long, floppy ears, wings, spikes on the tail," and the like. I'll do my best to achieve even the weirdest suggestions.

You're on Etsy now, right?

Yep.